Animal “Tookies” and the Middle Aged Mama Uber

I can remember going to the grocery store with three kids, my oldest was 4 at the time. It was a constant battle to keep hands in buggies and food in the cart. I always packed just enough snacks to keep my them happy for a 30 minutes. Take too long in the produce section and it was pandemonium. Women all over the store would exchange glances with me. I never understood their looks of pity until now.

Don’t get me wrong, it was difficult with three small children, but to compensate I balanced my time. I was a part time employee, mid morning YMCA member, and naptine cuddler. The rules of that stage of life centered around keeping them fed, bathed, and cuddled. And if I packed a well stocked diaper bag of snacks, I would survive any situation. Animal “tookies” (crackers) could literally fix anything.

Fast-forward to the current ages and stages of my children: Teen, Preteen, and Manchild. The knowing looks of the other women in the grocery store had nothing to do with babies screaming or the heartbreak of an unprepared diaper bag. These woman were looking into my future.

My husband and I have three very different kids with three different schedules between the hours of 5 and 9.pm. You don’t really need dinner, the food pyramid is merely a suggestion during this phase of life. Our kids want to do it all and no one has a license.

Every day is an effort in coordination as I map out all the schedules with precision. Volleyball, soccer, baseball and basketball are the top contenders for our time and energy. And so far, we have not left one child behind.

But what have I left behind? Sometimes it’s myself. As I Uber my kids to various activities so they can live their best lives, I miss my best life. The things that have motivated me in the past are unobtainable. Taxi time begins at 5 and I watch my husband drive in the opposite direction of me to yet another sporting event. I am told I will miss the busy, but right now it’s just hard.

In an effort to find my joy and motivation, I find myself considering my own animal “tookies” during this phase of life. So for all my middle aged ubering mama’s, let’s talk about how to address the life that is no longer your own.

Protect your peace, find people who are easy. Friends who support you from a distance. There is no time for constant check-ins or even small talk. I have three seconds to tell you where I am going and who I have with me. Find people that love you when they see you, but don’t demand too much of your time and energy. Some of my best friends communicate solely by sharing instagram meme’s of our past lives or current situations.

Say no to extras. No, I can’t do a quick turnaround. No, I can’t change my plans quickly. Nope, I am not flexible anymore, call me back in three years when someone gets a license. No I don’t have plans, I just want to stay home. And under no circumstances can I bring a snack to this sporting event on the fly.

Be kind to your spouse even when you don’t recognize him. Chances are this stage of life is hard for him too. Acknowledge the struggle and make time for each other, not just for important parenting tasks but for the fun too. Divorces are happening all around us, remember your friendship.

Lastly, be a support to someone in your boat. Offer them animal “tookies”. We can all remember the struggles of having infants. But be honest about the chaos that is happening right now instead of your ever positive instagram feed, don’t let your friends feel alone.

And lastly get back to things you love. Animal “tookies” fix everything. And blogging doesn’t hurt either.