Dating My Spouse in Moments

Have I mentioned that I have three children? Currently their ages are 12 going on 22 (see any Taylor Swift song), a 10 year old who’s prepared for a fight, and a nine-year-old boy whose only interest is protecting his goods. Literally ask him about his baseball cup, he is very excited to talk about it. The preoccupation with the male genitalia starts so early ladies.

My husband and I do not have much time for each other with volleyball and baseball seasons in full swing. We just coordinate schedules, attend games, and drive to practices. But we do date.

Last week we went to Food Lion to pick up our grocery order alone. We enjoyed four minutes of drive time followed by ten minutes of uninterrupted conversation while we waited on our instacart. Bougie yes, but I rationalize that young people need jobs and responsibility.

We also drove to Hickory for an away game together. We had an hour of talk time followed by a three hours of games. We finished the date night off with a fantastic Chic-fil-a dinner with the school volleyball team. Go Jags! We rode home with two kids doing homework. Who said romance is dead?

Dating looks different. It no longer involves trips or nice restaurants as it did in past seasons. It involves taking the moments we are given and being intentional with the time we have. No, my husband does not need a co-pilot to get groceries. It’s a decision to be intentional with our time.

In couples therapy, I regularly hear clients say they no longer have time for each other because they are busy. I get it. But it doesn’t have to be one or the other. It’s can be an AND, not an OR. All of my clients love when I say this!

My husband and I do spend a tremendous amount of time in different directions. But we also take advantage of the moments we have together. And these moments look different with each new season of life. Right now for us dating is in the car passing out snacks, running errands to make sure we don’t run out of milk and bread, or watching one tv show together before I fall asleep. That’s all I have in me folks, one show. I live a very wild life.

Being married is a work in progress for both of us. We don’t always get it right. Sometimes we curse each other out before Sunday school. But as my husband often reminds me, he chooses to love me daily. And while some days I know this is more of a threat than a promise, I also know he is right. This season of life is hard but it will be over in a blink of an eye. At some point we will be left only with time for each other. Our cars will be empty, the games will be over, and we won’t be interrupted by “mom, mom, mom….”.

And in the quiet times of empty nesting, I hope we will choose to love each other intentionally then too.