Elfing Around

Every night at 9 pm during the Christmas season an alarm goes off so we can move the Elf. For those of you who don’t have kids and are blissfully unaware of this completely horrible cultural phenomenon, I will briefly explain. The premise of the elf on the shelf is to encourage good behavior for all of the sugared up holiday children as the elf watches. The elf, ours is named Leroy, then reports back to Santa. The gifts (or positive reinforcers for all of the behaviorists out there) are directly relational to the child’s behavior during this time period. As adults, positive reinforcers are harder to find and therefore require more intentionality than just elfing around.

Reality check, if the elf was real, or even if we as parents accepted the terms to this agreement, it would cause Christmas hysteria. My oldest child would have presents filling up the living room (people pleaser) and my middle child would have a few things (rule follower, but cares very little about the opinions of others). And finally my youngest child would only have the green socks he has asked for this year. While he is usually a very good boy, there is some thing about the Christmas season that fills him full of chaotic excitement and removes all impulse control. It’s like the chaos is issued directly with the advent calendar every year. But I digress.

In full disclosure, I am not the mom who does festive things with Leroy. I am the mom who wanders around the house trying to remember where I put the little demon elf the night before. And furthermore, when it’s been a long day Leroy just ends up hanging with my bras. But there is no greater panic than to wake up from a dead sleep, and realize that you in fact did not move the elf. Being intentional is difficult when you are tired, the demands of the season can feel exhausting.

I have story after story of attempts to keep the magic alive and prove Leroy’s legitimacy as an elf. Funny enough, the elf has trained us the parents, not our children. We as parents have developed a great fear about ruining our children’s Christmas magic, all teetering on this little stuffed elf. Leroy will be the one to end the Christmas charade over here.

With great frustration I will continue to move Leroy nightly, but the real reinforcers of the holiday can include healthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that increase life satisfaction. This holiday season, I encourage my clients to find reinforcers that perpetuate a healthy lifestyle. Self care, therapy, exercise, and scheduled time with supportive friends/family can help to create a healthy life. Physical and emotional health is a gift that is truly valuable and therefore requires maintenance and prevention of dysfunction. So when I consider my nightly chores to get ready for the next day, I hope to add more positive reinforcers to my life.

And when you see my son with green socks, know he earned them, love Leroy the Elf.