Look for the Helpers

There have only been three times in my career where I have experienced widespread grief and powerlessness. Three times where I have sat with my clients, tearful with them as a result of their experiences, hopelessness, and despair. Sandy Hook, Covid 19, and the widespread destruction of our North Carolina mountain towns are terrible guideposts as a therapist; there is a before and there will be an after.

This disaster however, it’s not the news coverage. It’s clients being hopeful that family members and friends are safe. It’s grieving with those whose family and friends did not survive. It’s not only the places of my most loved memories completely gone, but people are suffering. People are suffering right now.

And while I can participate in food drives, share information about resources, and donate my time, I cannot go to the mountains with a chainsaw. I do not own any large earth moving equipment. There are limits to my abilities to be helpful and that just stinks.

After a week of processing this event with so many of my clients, I believe I am not alone in this guilt. We are acutely aware of the suffering that is happening on the other side of I-40 and for most of us we are not able to physically be present. Furthermore our lives continue while so many lives are shattered. So we cry, we pray, and find acceptance in doing what we can do.

Fred Roger’s, an American icon, once said “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” In times of helplessness, hopelessness, and powerlessness I cling to these words. While I cannot change the situation, I can help in my own community and be a small part of God’s larger community.

As a resident of North Carolina I am most proud of our people. Our people mobilized expeditiously, with very little knowledge of the severity of the challenges they were facing. From the bravery of the initial fireman/first responders and their families to the courage of the National Guard who put their lives on the line to rescue others. It’s the beauty of the church lady organizers who have gone to work in collecting and organizing drives of all kinds. It’s the tough as nails farmers who donated hay for displaced herds, in an attempt to save the animals and the livelihood of our neighbors to the west. It’s the endurance of the lineman crew, who have worked 24 hours a day to restore power and communication to assist in finding loved ones. Most spectacularly it’s the “regular” citizens who have donated their time and special skills to assist in the most beautiful ways.

While I may not own an earth mover or be handy with a chainsaw, I do believe in the power of prayer assisted people. I pray for the lost, the deceased, and the families that are left behind. I pray for the helpers, the boots on the ground folks who are witnessing unspeakable devastation. I pray for the healing of trauma that we as clinicians in North Carolina have never collectively seen this close to our home. And when physical safety is returned, I pray for the healers whose job is just beginning…