Marked Safe: Parent Teacher Conferences

None of my children are angels…not even my oldest child, you know the child whose siblings accuse of being perfect. I know the faults of all of my children better than anyone. Team Faggart is a lot to take in. We are loud, we are intense, and we pack a lot of personality into this family unit.

This time of year there is nothing that terrifies me more than the parent teacher conference. Maybe it’s the fear of judgment. Maybe it’s the unknown. Maybe it’s being seen. But these

are the times where we ask ourselves some tough questions. Questions like are all kids this weird? Is parenting truly this hard? And why would she keep a shirt in the back of her desk?

Every time I walk into a parent teacher conference I prepare myself for reports of things that I already know to be true. I wait for the constructive criticism. And I truly believe it is constructive. We all want our children to be shining examples of health and well-being without any intervention. Check that for an irrational thought. Reality is that our kids need to be taught to be healthy adults and we do that through modeling and correction.

Recently a teacher causally told me that one of my children is smart. And instead of saying thank you and taking it as a compliment, I immediately said “well that’s good because they act like an idiot at home.” Disclaimer: This was not said in front of my child and it had been a long day. Every once in a while I say all the things when I am tired. Exhaustion=low tolerance to filter out my impulsive thoughts.

Needless to say when I got home and reflected on my day, I felt terrible. Yes my kid is smart but also irresponsible — turns out both are possible simultaneously. So I did what any other parent would do, perseverate over the comment, decide that saying it out loud to a teacher makes me a terrible mom, and apologize. Before 5 AM the next morning. I crafted an email to retract my statement and inform the teacher that I in no way think my kid is an idiot and that furthermore I would never call them an idiot to their face. However this child does come to the door ready for school without his shoes regularly. Repeat after me, I will not email to teachers before 5 AM.

I don’t know what it is about a parent teacher conference but I always leave questioning not only my parenting but my peopling. Did I say the right things? Does the teacher feel supported? Am I doing enough at home? I know that my kid’s teachers hear all the stories. They know all about my parenting fails but they also know about my parenting successes. And that’s all normal.

My husband and I take school very seriously. We both value our educations and therefore our expectation Is that our kids should value their education too. But sometimes kids are just kids. They fall into traps of girl drama, disorganization, and losing every piece of clothing we have ever bought as a part of their uniform.

I know that my daughters are perfectionists and my son is comic relief. And while they are definitely impacted the environment we created for them as parents, they also have free will and a lot of learning to do. So this week I marked myself safe from parent teacher conferences because we all need to grow with the grace to make mistakes and give ourselves the time to correct them.