People Pleasers and People Pushers

One of my children is a push over, often known to the world as a People Pleaser. If you know my family you know exactly which child will be polite and do a task even if she doesn’t want to. Another will say no to your face and turn around and walk away. I have both. I have the child who wants so badly to be liked that she will give up pieces of her self to fulfill whatever requirement you ask. The other would not put you out if you were on fire (really ask her she will tell you).

Each child has their own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to interactions with people, mostly based on anxiety and how they are perceived. The People Pleaser is susceptible to peer pressure. People Pleasers are at risk of losing themselves and their own needs for fear they won’t be accepted. They leave situations feeling exhausted from carrying the burdens of others.

On the other hand the People Pushers (as in push away) have very few relationships because they say no most of the time out of a need for protection. This behavior of pushing people away is very isolating. people pushers are often terrified of the possibility of losing the very few trusted relationships they have and therefore they become anxious.

We all channel our anxiety differently. Some of us overdo and some of us just don’t do.

Balance is a theme I talk about in therapy a lot because it is a hard concept. Learning to balance both sides of your personality can help you say no when you want or need to (really try it, it’s ok), while also being open to the benefits of new relationships.

Are you a People Pleaser or a People Pusher? There is value in both, just like there are blind spots in both. Ask yourself, "What can I do to promote balance in my own personality and how can it help me to live my very best life?"

Now I have failed to mention the People Users but that is a topic for another day...